mylastchance | Initiation

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Initiation

It was finally time. After a year of training and studying by his Master's side he had finally proved himself ready and worthy to undergo the sacred rites. Tonight Lauren was going to be inducted into the Druid's secret order. He knew the words to speak, he'd practiced, but he had no idea what to expect. He was excited and anxious all at the same time. He felt sick to his stomach. This was the moment he had been working for and now it was finally here.

There was one problem, however. The ceremonies of the druids were a secret known only to them, and Susan, as an outsider, would not be allowed to go. The reason this was so problematic was because neither Susan nor Lauren had been without each other since the death of their parents two years before. Lauren was nervous at the thought of leaving his brother. He worried what Susan would do without him. Would he eat enough food? Drink enough water? Stay safe? He didn't like not knowing where his brother was, and he didn't like not knowing who he was with. Still, despite all his concerns, he could manage. Teacher had promised somebody strong and good would look after him, and so Lauren knew his worries were likely unfounded. No, now it was Susan who was proving to be the problem.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you behind." he murmurs, sitting on his sleeping furs, dressed in a simple white robe he had to put on for the ceremony.

OOC Note: Reposted from a locked entry.

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He shrinks back from Susan's shout.

"I don't know why."

"It's not fair...!" He turns away again, trying not to cry. Lauren didn't like it when he cried, so he was going to try not to.

His own eyes start to water as he hears the tears in Susan's voice. He stays quiet.

"I'm sorry." he pleads, hand rubbing on his cheek.

He doesn't say anything, and just wipes his eyes to try and keep from crying. He shakes his head though, not wanting Lauren to apologize, just wanting him to stay.

Lauren scoots over to sit beside his brother, not caring if he gets his clothes dirty. He leans on his arm as he sits beside his brother.

"I love you."

Susan turns away from him, not wanting him to see him cry, but leans back against Lauren too.

"I love you too..."

He wraps his arms around his brother's side, holding him close.

"I will come back."

He's quiet a long moment, just leaning against Lauren.

"...Promise?"

"I promise." he says, squeezing Susan tight.

"I could never leave you for long."

"...I wish I could go with you."

He nods and whispers, "Me too."

He finds Susan's hand with his own.

"I'm worried. Kind of scared."

"Then, you shouldn't go!"

The reaction surprises him. His lip trembles and he pulls away. He looks towards the woods, away from Susan as he eyes grow hot with unshed tears. He feels lost, and doesn't know what he should do.

He knows this is right. He wants to be more powerful, better, for Susan. Lauren wants to be able to take care of his brother like he should. But was it really safe to leave Susan alone when his younger brother was so against it? Even though he knew he was doing this for the right reasons, it felt like he was doing something wrong.

He nods, and then shakes his head, pushing the base of his palm into his cheek. The tears finally fall as he nods again.

"Alright." he says, voice shaking.

Susan is still upset himself and so he doesn't turn to his brother when he pulls away, not wanting him to see how upset he is. But when Lauren finally responds he's surprised and he turns to him wide-eyed, but seeming excited.

"Really? You won't go?"

He nods again, crying to hard to talk, and gritting his teeth to stop from making a sound. If he left like this Susan would probably just try to run away. He could get lost or hurt if left by himself.

"I n-need to be here for you." he murmurs, hiccuping between words. " That's more i-important."

Susan's happy to hear him say it, really happy, but he realizes that Lauren's crying and it makes him frown. He didn't want Lauren to be sad, even if he really did want him to stay... He doesn't know what to do. He looks down at the ground, nervous.

"Did I make you sad?"

He shakes his head no, pulling his knees to his chest and hiding his face. He's trying so hard to hold back the tears, but he can't. His chest shakes, and he holds his breath, keeping his jaw tight to stop it. He'd wanted this so badly. He should know he can't do things for himself anymore.

Lauren might be saying no, but Susan can tell he's upset. He doesn't look at him, still looking down at the ground, starting to tear up again.

He draws in a wavering breath. He'd have to tell Teacher when he got here, and he wouldn't be able to see him anymore. But it was okay, maybe Teacher would understand. Maybe he would still come back sometimes.

His lip trembles and more tears fall. He shivers, cold from wearing this stupid thin thing and he huddles in on himself even more. It was okay, he was making the right choice and someday that would mean more than finishing this. It hurt right now, but it would get better. Just like missing Nana and Father, it was going to be okay.

Susan doesn't know what Lauren's thinking, but he doesn't like him being upset. He sniffles as he tries not to cry, and he finally scoots closer to Lauren again, laying his head against him. He doesn't know what to say or what to do, he just wants Lauren here and for things to be okay.

He doesn't move as Susan gets close, part of him is mad, though he knows this isn't really Susan's. Lauren hadn't gotten to do lots of things since he'd started watching his brother. It had always been okay before because he cared more about doing what was right then whatever other desires he had. Right now what was right was looking after Susan, but even though he knows that he can't help but feel mad.

He doesn't find comfort in Susan's warmth at his side, and part of him wants to push the other boy away. If it wasn't for Susan he wouldn't even be here right now. He could be in town, living in a house. He could go to the initiation tonight and do whatever he wanted to. He wouldn't have to worry about anyone else.

In the end he stands, going over to his pack, and tearing the robe off to put his tunic back on, his breaches still covering his legs. He wipes his face on the white of the fabric before ditching it on his furs.

"I just need to be alone for a while." he murmurs voice still shaky. "I'll be fine."

He watches him quietly as he gets up and gets dressed, not sure what's going on. He blinks his teary eyes at Lauren when he finally says that, before he looks down at the ground again and nods.

"...Okay..."

He vanishes into the tree line, finding a sturdy oak and climbing high into its branches. Wildlife scamper by around him, afraid of his noisy intrusion. A family of squirrels race up the bark to escape him and birds take flight. When the earth is finally far enough away and the leaves cover everything below him he takes a breath and looks at the open sky.

He loves this view, he loves the feeling of being connected to something bigger. The sky was vast and empty, and the wind rustled through the leaves making him shiver. Lauren was a small part of this world, but this world was not just a bystander in his life. No, this world was alive, just as much as he was. It was a living breathing thing that needed him, and all creatures, to work. He didn't feel so alone when he truly saw all the life that was around him.

He stands, balancing carefully on the branch below his feet as he breathes deep the cold air of the upper atmosphere. He can see the sun as it starts to sink lower in the sky and the shadow of the moon that sits high above him. The sting of the cold fills his lungs and burns his cheeks, still wet from his crying. He closes his eyes tight before he opening his mouth and shouting into the open air. He lets out everything he's feeling in this one single sound. Birds scatter and rabbits flee, but he keeps shouting until his lungs burn.

He finally draws a breath, and he's panting. Fresh hot tears have traced their way down his face and drip from his chin. He's gasping for breath and it's the only thing he hears. He sits on the branch, leaning against the tree, and he stares, wind and mind silent as he continues to cry. The water from his tears falls to the earth below for others to eat with, grass and plants and flowers using his sorrow to nourish their own growth.

Susan knew Lauren said he needed time alone, and he was okay with that, but it doesn't help him from being upset too. He needs his brother and wants him here with him. But at the same time he knows that Lauren needs things too and he needs to let him get what he needs and wants... He just doesn't like it.

For a while Susan waits for Lauren, hoping he'll come back, but as the time stretches on he starts to worry. What if something happened to him? What if he got hurt or lost or ran away? The thought makes him upset, and so he quickly stands and starts off in the direction that he saw Lauren go in. Of course he doesn't actually know where Lauren is, and so it's hard to try and find him... So really this is just him wandering through the forest, looking around and calling out his brother's name every so often.

Lauren sighs, scratching his arm and dislodging some kind of fly. It will be night soon, and he's already stayed out long enough. He didn't want Susan to worry. Coming to a stand he quickly makes his way back down the oak tree, the squirrels and other animals, having long grown used to his presence, only scamper a bit out of reach as he makes his way instead of fleeing outright. Soon enough he is on the ground and on his way home. Of course thanks to Susan's wandering by the time Lauren returns to their glade his little brother is no where to be found.

A panic quickly begins to set in as he turns in circles around the clearing looking for his brother. He searches around the perimeter of their campsite calling Susan's name into the forest, but there's no reply. A look at the sky confirms the sun is low, and only getting lower. Very soon it will be dark. Taking a breath, Lauren closes his eyes, telling himself to stay calm and focus. Panicking now wasn't a help to anyone.

Breathing in deep, and then slowly exhaling he opens his eyes, and looks around one more time, this time with a hunter's mind. He searches everywhere for tracks, displaced foliage, broken twigs, anything that might give him an idea as to his brothers direction. he finds a place where the grass has been trampled recently, and hopes it's his brother as he begins following. It works for a while, but eventually the grass turns to hard dirt, and he can follow no longer. He closes his eyes, thinking, when he hears it. To his left a rabbit hops, hiding under the brush. If he could just, concentrates, feeling the nature around him in his mind and how it connects them all. The same life that flowed through him in the life of this rabbit too. The creature stills, and stares at him, and when Lauren looks at it again he knows it will help him how it can.

He asks the creature if he has seen Susan, and he asks him to show him the way. The rabbit shuffles around a bit, thinking and taking it's sweet time with it, bet eventually takes off quickly in a direction to Lauren's left. He follows without hesitation, calling Susan's name as the get further from camp, and hopefully closer to his brother. Soon enough they are within Susan's range, and Lauren's calls to Susan ring loud in Susan's ears.

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